January 2019

I haven't written in awhile. Depression is a real thing. The cold weather, losing a beloved pet, and stress have all gotten in my way of being productive. I haven't felt much up to writing, we haven't been doing much except hunkering down and praying for warmer weather. We haven't taken many pictures, there's not been much to take pictures of.

So since I last updated, we had to have Lola put to sleep. She was so pitiful and so old. On her last night Dillon made her a hamburger patty and she ate all of it, so because she ate all of that, Dillon made her another one. The only thing is, she was so weak that she fell asleep with her little face in the food bowl while he was cooking the other one. I didn't want to do it, but she was so sad and unwell, I know it was for the best. After she passed, I have just been so sad. Dillon and I have never had a home without a doggie. Even without Lola, it was so quiet in our house. She mostly slept, but she still got up, she still ate treats and she still followed me around. I swore up and down that once these dogs died, I wouldn't have anymore. They messed up our house, it was inconvenient to take trips and I just needed a break. Only, that's what I thought I wanted. After Lola, I mourned (and am still mourning) her and Emma hard. Losing her was like losing both of them all over again. I'd leave for work in the morning with no pup and come home to an empty house and it was just heartbreaking. We started looking for puppies and then we came upon this one dog. Her name was Maizie and she was a 2 year old terrier. We filled out an application and were told that we were at the bottom of the list to adopt her. Only after our references were contacted and they reviewed our application, the rescue center thought that we were a perfect fit for this dog. So we impulsively decided to take her, and it's been a pretty good decision. We've renamed her Ruby and she's a chill little dog that loves our kids and our home. I think that she's still a little nervous (she reallllllyy loved her old home), but she's one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met. It still makes me sad, it makes me miss our other dogs even more and feel like we're cheating on them, but I know they'd be happy that we're making more good memories with another doggie that was in need. Ruby really had just fallen into place at our home and it's good. And she is a terrier and her face looks nothing like Lola's, but when you look at her from behind she's the exact twin of Lola. It kind of breaks my heart all over again.

And in other news, January has still just been a rough month. My mom's not been in the best health and after a bunch of tests, it was decided she needs a lung biopsy (which is kind of a hard procedure) to determine if she has pulmonary fibrosis or another disease that could be from an allergic reaction to something in the air (or somewhere else, we really don't know). That's been a tough thing to manage, too. Lots of doctors appointments and scary medications to take. Luke also had a mishap on the bus, and while I won't go into details, it now means that instead of sitting on our hill waiting for him, I wait in the student pick up line at the school. I also have to travel to Orlando this week for our ZERO race director's meeting and while this usually wouldn't be a big deal, I'm traveling solo (since Luke is in school) and pair that up with me being a poor flyer and the government shutdown, I'm about ready to have a nervous breakdown. HA! Thank goodness that's over in just enough time for me to travel down there and back.

Needless to say, I'm ready to see spring on the horizon, in more ways than one. In health, in pet ownership, in weather, in schooling for our children, and in just general activities for our family. I think if you go back and read my blog entries for the month of January, this is usually a common theme. I usually don't do very well this month, but I do know that we'll get by. The robins are returning, we'll have answers about health concerns and we'll add onto our family even while we're mourning the loss of others. Life moves forward and I'm just glad that I have the good group of people around us that we do.

We also had our first sleepover on Friday! Luke's bff and neighbor stayed with us. They went to bed late and were up at 5:30 the next morning. It was all good though and we had a blast! 

Even though it's been a stressful month, I've been trying to cook healthy dinners. This is my quick pho I tried to make! Definitely not as good as the pho restaurant here in town, but it's a good replacement when you don't want to spend a ton on eating!  Plus, this is a meal that everyone in our family eats! The kids eat basically the broth and noodles while Dillon and I dress ours up!

And here's Ms. Ruby. <3

We got her new food bowls, a new collar and leash and a new bed. The weird thing is that she eats the same food our dogs did so we were prepared for that. I just felt weird about giving her our other dogs stuff. 

I tried to fold laundry with everyone this morning and ended up giving up. I'll work on it tomorrow on my day off!

Luke fell the other day at a restaurant and busted up his knee real good. 

I made a little plant to honor our doggies. We didn't keep Emma's collar so I put a dollar bill that she chewed up with the flower. Luke also drew the photos behind it of our pups and later I added some photos of them so we always have them close. <3

While looking through photos, I found this one of Ozzy and a puppy Emma. When your pup passes, it's just a reminder of how fast our lives move. I miss all of these dogs so very much. 

I also found these of Lola and me on my wedding day.  

Luke and our new pup!

Luke dressed up like daddy!

Lola

Here I sit, on what's probably my last night with little Lola in my house. It's no secret that this dog is knocking on being 16 or 17 years old, I've had her for 12 of those years. She is old. She is in pain. And honestly, I'm surprised she's lasted this long. 

I don't know why, but Lola's been probably my favorite dog I've ever had. I don't know that I've ever told the story about why she's so important, but she helped me out of a very difficult time in my life. In the fall of my junior year of college, I lost both of my childhood pets. They died within 2 days of each other and I was devastated. Being at school, trying to keep my grades up, being away from Dillon and my mom and dad, and going through a big loss and change to my life had my anxiety on edge. That junior year was awful. My nerves were on edge, I had trouble sleeping, and I was driving everyone around me insane. The summer before my senior year, I told Dillon that I wanted to get a dog. He told me to get through the last year of school and when I moved to Asheville he would take me to look for a dog. 

Only I got to September in my senior year and my roommate came in and said that one of the models in our art department had picked up a little "yorkie" dog and was trying to find a home for it. I rushed up to the art department to tell this lady that I wanted it, and was greeted by this little mangy dog. She was thing and underfed, her hair was long down her back but she was so malnourished that the fur on her sides was short and falling out. I sat down at a seat in the classroom and held out my hand to her and she jumped up on me, shy but so sweet. And I fell in love. The lady who had found her on the side of the road told me that she would make a deal with me, she would pay to have the dog get all of her shots and to be fixed (Lola had recently had puppies and was NOT fixed), but I had to promise to keep her forever. The college students in my town were notorious for taking dogs during the school year but when they went home for the summer they'd just release their dog. I promised that I would keep her for as long as she lived and the lady set up an appointment for Lola that Friday. She would drop her off and I would pick her up and have my new dog. 

When I picked her up, she was pitiful. I tried to get her to ride in the passenger seat on the way to my mom and dad's , but she kept crawling in my lap. I let her lay there for the hour long ride and got to my house where I introduced her to my dad. My mom pulled up and came in the front door and Lola started barking. My mom was SO mad at me for getting a dog, but after that day, my mom fell in love with her. 

From that point on, Lola was the spunkiest little thing. She broke out of our apartment once and some students found her and brought her back. She'd ride with her head out the window in the car, but only until you reached 55 mph. That was too fast and then she'd have to come back in the car. She took off from us once at my first apartment, chasing squirrels. The only way Dillon caught her was because she stopped to pee. She also got away from me once at Dillon's apartment. I was walking inside and thought she'd be ok without a leash... Not so. She took off through the woods like lightning and then circled back to the house when the squirrel she was chasing came back our way. She was at our wedding. She and Emma tried to kill a groundhog once outside our house in Oakley and the thing was twice her size but she was taking it on. She killed moles all. the. time. She'd run off, but she'd always come home.  One time, she crawled up on our kitchen table and ate the cheese off the top of the pizza and left the crust. Our friend went to eat a piece of the pizza and was shocked to see that there was no cheese left! 

When we had babies, she took her spot in the background, but unlike Emma, she never growled at the kids. She took their tugs and pulls in stride. And slowly, she started slowing down too. The little wart on her arm has turned into a huge tumor. She can't make it down the stairs any more to go into the yard. Her little hips give way too often and she's not eating much at all. While it makes me so, so, so sad, I think it's time. Her spunkiness is gone and she sleeps most of the time now. 

Lola is one of the coolest dogs ever and we will all truly miss her. I sat in the floor with her this evening and just cried, but she flinches when I pet her so I couldn't even really hold her. I know it's time, it just doesn't make it any easier. 

I will miss her terribly. Our house will be so empty without our dogs. But I'm so glad I had her. She has brought me so much joy and laughter (and frustration at times) but I wouldn't change a thing. I hope that she finds rest and peace and no pain after tomorrow. I'll be glad to see her again one day, in no pain and at her prime. I love you, little Lols.