White Squirrels

Dillon has the elusive three day weekend for Memorial Day and actually has the entire three days off which is very rare for him. When construction has a good weather day, they're usually working, but for some reason he has off this weekend which makes us all super happy. This morning we woke up with nothing on our agenda, so our day went a little like this:

* For a few years now, Dillon has had a small freezer chest in our dining room which has been an unfinished beer tap chest. We either didn't have the funding or the money needed to go to other things, but for Father's Day and Dillon's birthday I promised him that he could get what he needed to finish it. This morning he made a quick Lowe's run and worked on his fridge. Whenever he has a spare moment he's working on finishing that up. Once it's done, and he brews a batch of beer, we will have beer on tap in our own house. Very exciting, I know!

* During breakfast, I was looking at our local paper and saw that there was a festival in Brevard, NC called the White Squirrel Festival. They actually have white squirrels running around this town and every year they celebrate it! So we packed up a few bottles and diapers along with the baby and headed out to Brevard after Dillon worked on his beer fridge. What an awesome little town! I think that I could probably live out there if we ever found a piece of property we liked. We walked around looking at crafts and the stores on the street and listened to the live music. Luke then had a little meltdown because he was hungry, so we ducked into the local brewery and sampled their beer while the baby ate. Then we ambled back to our car and the baby slept the whole way home. Once we returned I napped with Luke while Dillon worked some more on his fridge. :) Such an awesome day with our family. Dillon said he felt like he was on vacation today it was so nice!

Some random notes about Luke: 1. He no longer fits in his newborn sleepers which makes me really sad. He's just grown so long that I can barely pull them up over his shoulders. I think he may have all of his daddy's genes because I have a feeling he's going to be tall (My OB, Dr. Moore, said she thinks he'll be big because he has HUGE hands and feet!) 2. He's starting to "talk" right before he goes to sleep. Every night, after his 3 AM feeding, I try to get him to sleep. His eyes close and then he starts talking to me, groaning and grunting about how good he feels. Then about 10 minutes later he's sleeping. It's super cute. 3. He's starting to get where he sleeps almost through the whole night. We get him to sleep around 9:00 or 10:00 and he'll sleep until about 4:30. I can totally run on that amount of sleep and I am NOT sad about him making it through the night!

My peonies bloomed for the 1st time this year. I've had them planted for 3 years and am so excited to have 5 blooms this year! 

The beer fridge in progress...

At the White Squirrel Festival! 

Hate to tell them... but my baby's already cool. 

Dillon swoons over a guitar

The elusive white squirrel. Unfortunately, we didn't see a real white squirrel. 

MMMM....

Baby, Daddy, Mommy

Luke learns how to brew...

Rough Day

When you read the title, you're probably thinking "Oh, poor baby Luke, he must have had a fussy day." When in fact the baby has been excellent this week, it's been myself that I've struggled with a bit. So, I'm forewarning you now... If you don't want to listen to my little,  pity party, scroll to the bottom  and look at the cute baby pictures because this post is going to include my dirty house, the fact that I no longer fit into any of my B.P. (before pregnant) clothes and my inability to breastfeed. And in all reality, this day was really, really good. Honest, it was. 

1. Dirty House - remember when I said that I was really sad to see my mom go? Part of it was because I loved having her here. She provided company and someone to tell me that I'm doing this mom thing right. The other part was because she keeps a super clean house, and that doesn't matter if it's her house or mine. She straightened things up, cleaned floors, did laundry all while I tried to keep the baby happy. When she left, it was up to me to do these things all at the same time and honestly, there have been days where it's 11:30 in the morning and I'm still in my pajamas trying to get everything done and I just haven't had time to put on clothes. I've cleaned some, but just in my jammies and I still haven't cleaned near the amount she was able to. I try to start cleaning the floors and the baby cries. He needs to be changed or fed and it takes time and then I have to hold him for awhile. By that time it's lunchtime for me and I try to eat in between holding the baby. By the afternoon, I'm exhausted and I fall asleep and then after that Dillon gets home. I get some cleaning done but for the most, I'm lucky if it's anything. I guess this morning I looked around and just saw all the clutter and it drove me crazy. I got most of it up, but it's still a work in progress. Hopefully, tomorrow I can get more clean. It just kind of added up on me this morning and put me in a bummer mood. 

2. B.P. Clothing - I think all women who have just had a baby are super excited to make it back into their clothing. When I was first pregnant, I was soooo excited about maternity clothes. New wardrobe, cute little baby bump to show off! You make it into your 7th month, you've worn every piece of maternity clothing that you own that week, and now those stretchy pants aren't fitting so well. Then the baby comes and no one really tells you what it's going to be like after. You go home still looking 8 months pregnant and then a month later you're still in those yoga pants sporting an extra 20 pounds from your B.P. weight. My shirts fit just fine, but it's the bottoms... oh that lovely behind. Somehow my pants are just a bit too snug in the hips and butt area it doesn't seem to be disappearing. Which brings us to today... Dillon got off work today early, it rained on his site so he came to the house and told me that I should go off and do some things on my own today. Shop a little bit without having to take the baby. There's a store here in town where they have nice, gently worn 2nd hand clothes. It's geared towards the younger crowd, high school-college age, but a lot of times I can find jeans and shirts that are a little more my age but still cute. I head out that way today in search of some pants that fit and maybe a few other things since I haven't been there in 10 months. I step into the store and I feel so out of place. I looked at the jeans and even the size up from what I usually wore looked way too tight. I picked out several things a little bigger to try and on and half didn't fit. I felt OLD shopping in there and I suddenly just felt like crying. I did find clothes, some pants and a dress for a good price, but it just was not a good feeling. I try not to be upset about silly things like this. In reality it doesn't matter because my body did an amazing thing but I still feel sad about it. 

3. Breastfeeding - This is a super touchy subject with me. You've probably noticed in pictures of us with Luke that he's taking a bottle. You see, breastfeeding and I don't really get along. When we were taking our childbirth classes, the class on breastfeeding made me feel super anxious. There were all these things that you had to do and then in the end it may not even work out. I panicked a little, but told myself that I'm sure it would work out and not to worry. Women do it all the time so why couldn't I? So, the time came, the baby was born and I attempted to breastfeed. The lactation consultant came in at the hospital, and said I was doing just fine. They set me up with a pump to come home with and sent me on my merry way. When you research breastfeeding, you read about it hurting but, holy crap, I thought it was worst than birthing the baby. I came home and struggled with it. The baby had lost almost a pound which freaked me out that he wasn't eating enough. The combination  of hormones, pain, and not knowing how much he was eating, had me on the brink. I sat on the couch, dreading the next feeding and sobbing when Dillon and my mom said "Maybe you should just consider formula." I tried using the pump from the hospital and it didn't work. One side pumped, the other didn't. I sat there, taking twice the time, getting little results.  The next day I started bottle feeding and didn't go back. The baby was happy, he gained weight and the stress level went waaayy down. The only thing is, I'm reminded of my inability a lot. I don't mind friends and family asking about it, it's just curiosity, but when strangers ask it really bothers me. Most of the time I don't go into detail about why it didn't work, but with strangers I feel like I need some excuse. We went to the farmer's market in our little neighborhood today and a woman came up to me asking about the baby. How old he was, we shared stories about our babies and then the random question came up "Are you nursing?" I awkwardly said "No, it just didn't work for me" and it felt like her face fell when she heard that. I felt like she passed judgement on my choice even though I don't think she meant to, but the conversation turned awkward. I felt like the worst mother ever for not being able to explain why I didn't try harder. I didn't go to a lactation consultant, I didn't hang on for months (at least until returning to work), I just didn't "woman up" to do what's needed. Honestly, I felt like the stress far outweighed everything else. I just kept thinking that he's only this little once and I didn't want to waste precious moments stressing about it. I just wanted to enjoy HIM and not worry about if he was eating enough. So, after today, I've just decided to own it. I won't offer excuses for why I ended up not breastfeeding. My baby is growing and I'm pretty sure he's happy because I got two non-gas related smiles out of him today. 

All I can say is tomorrow's another day. I've enjoyed time with my little family today and life couldn't be much better even if I can't fit into my old pants, my house is messy and I stumble along with being a new mother. 

Luke's first baseball game!

Dillon enjoys an iced chai at the farmer's market

Farmer's market! You can see Luke in the little space

Some photos from my phone, Luke dancing!

Daddy and baby sleeping

First Trip to Virginia

This weekend was little Luke's first trip (of many, I'm sure) to Virginia to visit family. He got to meet lots of new people and get some quality time with both sets of grandparents. 

For a month old baby, he travels so well. We just feed him right before we leave and he sleeps the whole time on the road. He loves riding in the car and it puts him right to sleep. I will say that travelling with him induced a little anxiety on my part. I didn't know how the car ride would go or if we would forget anything crucial, but the trip went so smooth! I think we have a traveler. :) 

This week is busy with doctor's appointments and cleaning the house. When I talked with my mom and dad last night they reminded me that next Monday is Memorial Day. I can't believe that May is almost over. Time is passing so quickly, I wish I had a button to slow things down but I have a feeling that it will only go by faster now. 

Luke gets some cuddles from Grampie

Luke meets cousin Jordyn! 

Great-Granny Blanche and Baby Lucas

Great-Granny Blanche, Grammie Debbie and Baby Lucas

Great-Aunt Glenda holds Luke for the first time

Katlinn & Jordyn talk with Luke

Granny Gross meets Lucas

Hungry boy...

Grandpa Eddie holds Lucas

I love this picture because it looks like he's laughing... even though I think he was going to sleep

kisses!

Lots of coffee when a newborn is around...

Grammie Janet feeds Lucas

Sunday dinner! 

One Month!

I can't believe that it's already been one whole month since Lucas made his arrival. It's still been a little surreal that this baby, our baby, is ours permanently. This month has been pretty amazing. Little sleep, lots of laughs and smiles and sometimes stressful. In this short month, I've already learned lots about being a mom:

1. This stuff is hard - but totally doable. Having a newborn will test your patience in so many ways but it's worth it. When he sneezes three times in a row and then coos right after or cuddles up with me in the early morning after eating, the screaming fit from the night before or the 20 attempts to get him to go to sleep are completely forgotten. I remind myself many times a day that my baby will only be this little once. I find myself imagining him in years to come, not only as a toddler or little boy, but as a man grown up and I get a little sad. I know that time will pass quickly and I'm trying to enjoy every moment of his smallness, even the moments when I want to pull my hair out in frustration because I don't know how to fix his pains. 

2. People over-dramatize EVERYTHING - let me be the first to say that yes, labor is hard and hurts; yes, delivering a baby is not a piece of cake; yes, having a newborn will test the patience of Job, but really and truthfully, it's not THAT bad. To the will-be mamas out there (and possibly myself in the distant future), being in labor is painful, but your body is made to handle it (and trust me, my labor was not the easiest. 16 hours and  5 of that pushing).  When I was pregnant, everyone wanted to tell me about the 10 pound baby and just how awful everything that goes along with it is. The thing about labor is that it is temporary and at the end you have a beautiful little human to show for all your hard work. So, when that same person comes up to you for the umpteenth time and tells you how awful it is, just remember that you will be able to do it and it's completely worth it.

3. Mad props to stay at home moms - I'm working on my 5th week of maternity leave and whenever a glimpse of a thought passes through my mind about returning to work, I tear up.  But, I think when the time comes (after the adjustment of returning) I'll be glad to get back to work. It's so hard to be home with a little one all day with little adult interaction. I am enjoying this time immensely, but I have to get out of the house at least once a day even if it's just to Target right up the hill. I find myself watching out the window for Dillon to return home just to have someone to talk to.  Otherwise, I find myself talking to our dogs. I've heard where a lot of moms won't take their baby's out until they're 4 weeks old because of germs. I was schlepping Luke up to Target at less than a week old because I'm just not good at staying home. Trust me, I've used lots of hand sanitizer and Lysol wipes.

4. Baby bodily functions become the major topic of conversation - Colors of poop, if he's spit up and pee hitting the wall seem to be a big hit. Although it is important, you've got to pay attention to this crap (literally) to make sure he's healthy. Does anyone envision this when you start thinking about having a baby? I know I didn't... but it's part of the territory.

5. If you don't smile and make eye contact with people, they're less likely to try and touch your baby - Everyone loves a sweet, little baby, especially the people at Wal Mart or Target who possibly haven't washed their hands in several days. And, of course, they all want to love on the baby. I've seen people in public who even have signs on their baby's stroller "You can look but don't touch!" Dillon and I went to get the oil changed in my car one day and the baby started fussing. A guy came up to Dillon and asked if he had a fussy baby and instinctively reached out to touch Luke. Dillon snapped back at him "I wouldn't touch him, he's sick." Of course, Luke wasn't sick, I'm not even sure where that came from, but I don't think I'd touch the baby after his over-protective daddy told him to step back. 


  I know that there will be more enlightenment in the months and years to come. Having this little boy has become the highlight of Dillon and mine's life. There was a time about halfway through my pregnancy that I mourned the loss of our "without baby" life. I knew that a huge change was coming our way and it made me a little sad. Now, a month into everything, I can't imagine our life without him. Our "with baby" life is way better and our nights out and concerts are replaced with bottles and diapers, but that's alright with me. 

Flowers from my awesome sister-in-law, Kenzie, for Mother's Day! 

Cheesin'

I'm a shark... rawr

1 Month! We're in VA today, so we'll have an update with lots of pictures from our trip!