Luke's Second Birthday

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who has emailed, texted, and messaged Dillon and myself this past week. It has been a huge comfort to know that we are being prayed for and thought about.

Yesterday was Luke's 2nd birthday and I had planned a big party for him, but with the events of this week, just couldn't bring myself to implement it. Instead of having the big party, my mom and dad came down and we celebrated with Luke's favorite, Chinese food for lunch and cupcakes afterward (and even hot fudge sundaes yesterday evening). I hope that Luke won't be upset with us in years to come for no big birthday party, but as one of my friends reassured me this week, we don't really have to worry until they're about 4 for them to remember things such as this.

So, without further ado, here are some pictures of Luke on his second birthday.

Hot fudge sundaes! I'm surprised Luke slept at all last night with all the sugar he had yesterday.

Luke in the super cute Thomas towel from Aunt Laurie & Uncle Eric... He came out of the bathroom looking super cute and then got shy around the camera.

To Luke, On Your Second Birthday

Dear Luke,

2 years! You are 2 years old, and I cannot believe it. What a fun little boy you have turned into and what joy and light you bring to mine and your daddy's life.

Your second year has brought lots of changes. You now run, not just walk, everywhere. You talk in sentences, sing songs, have a strong tendency to play outside. I love so many things about you, your little chubby hands, the way that when Dillon and I hug, you run to us immediately and share in the hug (and how you grunt when you hug, like you're giving the biggest, best hug ever). I love the little freckle on your right cheek, the one you probably got from the terrible sunburn in September when we forgot to put sunscreen on you, a constant reminder for your mama about that mistake. I love that when we get to the grocery store or when the food comes at a restaurant that you show the excitement that adults restrain and you yell out "YAY, HO!" I love your stubbornness as it means later in life you will stick to your morals and hopefully not blindly go along with the crowd, even if that stubbornness is hard to handle right now. And you are ever so helpful. Every day you ask me "Mama, need help?" You try to lift heavy things for me and you always want to help me and your daddy. My favorite was one day when your dad was working in the garage and he started one of his wood working machines and you shouted out "Dada, you ok?! Need help?!"  I love your happiness and innocence. While I love seeing you grow and develop what I wouldn't give to keep you this little always and forever. What a sweet boy you are.

The other night we laid on the couch and I told you about the last week I was pregnant with you. How we caught the house on fire, how your daddy fixed me a spicy dinner before we went to the hospital and how happy we were when you joined the world. You listened with such intent and laughed at certain parts, you watched me with those incredible sparkling blue eyes and I wanted to stop time. I know that you won't always want to cuddle on the couch with your old mom, and that's ok, but I cherish these nights when you snuggle up under the blanket with me.

I really hope that you always know the love your daddy and I have for you. We will always stand behind you, and support you whether it's taking your first steps or trying out for baseball or getting a scholarship and going off to college. You have brought such joy to us, little boy, in these past two years and we can't wait to see what your next years bring.

I love you, Mama.

Hey there, little buddy. The day you came into the world.

Your first birthday! You were JUST getting teeth, late bloomer.

And you at 2. 

Looking like a little boy.

2 Years!

One Week

I'm going to write this. I'm not sure if I'll actually publish this to share or if I will. I don't even know why I want to share this, because maybe I want people to know, maybe because I want to know that it was real and to remember or maybe just because it's consuming my thoughts at the moment. I'm having a hard time having a normal conversation and when people ask me how I am, I want to just blurt out what's happened.

On April 6th I found out I was pregnant and on April 14th I found out that I was no longer pregnant.

Easter Sunday I almost threw up after eating lunch and I knew. I just KNEW. No one had the stomach bug around us and why else would taking a bite of a pickled beet send me running to hug the toilet. We came back home, and Monday I bought 3 pregnancy tests. I took the first test while Dillon and Luke were outside playing. As the positive sign appeared, I could hear Luke laughing in the back yard and knew that things were changing. We were going to have another baby! They came inside and I told Dillon to check the bathroom counter. He knew what that meant, we hugged and kissed and I think he literally jumped up and down with happiness. 

In the next few days, I took the other two tests, just to be sure. Positive. All three. All of the early signs of pregnancy appeared, nausea, tiredness, and I prepped myself to feel this way for the next 6 weeks. I even allowed myself to buy a few pieces of maternity clothes for our beach trip in May because I would be just chubby at that point, and not sure that my summer clothes would be fitting well. Why I allowed myself to do this only a week into my pregnancy I'm not sure. With Luke, I wouldn't even allow myself to look at baby clothes or maternity clothes until I was well into the 2nd trimester.

And then, yesterday. I just KNEW again that it was over. I sat on the couch and cried. I waited until 1:30 for the doctor's office to see me and the ultrasound confirmed my fears. There was no baby there, it had already left my body. Dillon held my hand and cried with me because even though we had only known about this baby for a week, we already had such plans.

Plans about bringing her (for some reason I felt it was a girl) home in December. For having Christmas in our home, Luke wearing a big brother tee-shirt. We had already talked about cleaning out the spare bedroom, fixing a nursery, moving Luke to a big boy bed and preparing for a baby. I was excited to feel her first kicks in my tummy and to holding her on my chest after giving birth. To seeing Luke with the baby. To see her grow and thrive.  To having our family being complete. 

This is a hard thing. And like I said, I'm having a hard time when someone asks me how things are I'm  having trouble not blurting out "I just had a miscarriage" which may be a little awkward for some people. So please, just bare with me if I seem a little weepy. If I have a hard time concentrating. If I'm just not as cheery as I should be. In time, the wounds will heal, but for right now I need some time to process and I hope that by writing and sharing this it helps to heal.  

An Early Birthday and Easter

We've had quite the eventful weekend and I do believe I'll sleep well tonight.

Luke's daycare is closed on Good Friday and the Monday following Easter so Dillon and I took two days off for a long weekend and headed up to Virginia.  We have lots of family up that way and some who aren't able to come down to Asheville to celebrate Luke's birthday so we decided to hold a little birthday party for family there.

Unfortunately, lots of folks were hit with a bad case of bronchitis, keeping them at home and feeling very poorly. We were still able to have a great time, but definitely missed the folks who were unable to come. 

Today was Easter and we celebrated by rising early and going to the early service at my mom and dad's church. Luke was so tired from the party, that he slept until after 7:00 and I finally had to wake him up. Of course he slept late on the only day I had to wake up early. We kept Luke with us throughout the service and he did awesome! We did have a time where we had to get up and walk around, but we went back in and he sat quietly. I think that I may start letting him stay until children's church where we go because it seems like he's able to sit still long enough. He loved listening to the music.

We had a great lunch and went and spent some time with Dillon's granny. She is feeling very poorly as she was hit hard with the bronchitis, so we're all praying that she feels much better soon. 

We drove back to Asheville this evening and I think it's safe to say Dillon, Luke and myself are all thoroughly exhausted. I am glad that I have tomorrow off to clean up the toy explosion that is our home right now and hopefully clean the house a little more (and get groceries, and laundry, ugh, the list is never ending). 

Peepaw (as Luke started calling my dad this weekend) bought Luke TWO pairs of chucks. This pair matches peepaws and he had to wear them all weekend! 

Playing in Pappaw Eddie's back yard at the river.

There is now a new found obsession with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in our home. Here is Luke yelling "Oh Toodles!" 

He doesn't go quite as high as he did this time last year, but it's still one of his favorite things. 

Birthday boy!

Taking pictures on Grammy's phone

So we took Luke with us to pick up the cake, which was a huge mistake. He saw Thomas, wanted the cake and had a huge meltdown when he couldn't open it in the car. When we DID get to open the cake, we had a very excited little boy!

Can I just say, being a mama is probably one of the hardest things to do, but my heart just about near explodes at his sweetness and innocence. I can't even put into words how much we all love him. 

Oh yeah, cake and ice cream!

First Hot Wheels Track

And lots of cars! Thanks, Uncle Jon!

And thanks Aunt Glen for the bubble machine! It's a huge hit and we even had a little meltdown this evening because it was too chilly to go outside and blow bubbles.

More cars from the Easter Bunny!

Luke took this picture of Peepaw... he was eating and not mad. Ha!